Exploring Expectations
Everything I Can Fit, in a Dream-Pod (Gallery View)
Oneoneone
Exhibition:
Jennifer Meanley: Everything I Can Fit, in a Dream-Pod
Gallery Information:
Oneoneone
On Display:
July 26th - September 7th
Hours:
Fr-Sa: 12pm - 5pm
Su-Th: By Appointment
As I walk through Jennifer Meanley’s Everything I Can Fit, in a Dream-Pod I find myself drawn at once to Milk-Ersatz, spilt. Taking in the painting as if in a slow motion picture, I search for clues to why it feels so familiar... nostalgic, yes, but not peaceful.
Front and center, a woman sits in perhaps her living room... while it appears to be her house, she is not at home in her surroundings… Her eyes a bit distant as she wrings her hands.
Milk-Ersatz, Spilt
Jennifer Meanley
Next, my focus shifts to the Legos marching behind her—what calls them forward and why has one fallen? Will the two still standing continue on without their third?
I laugh to myself as an odd figurine on the side table reminds me of a Trivial Pursuit game played decades ago—a family member, who has yet to live it down, declaring excitedly that ‘they decapitated her head off’ when ask how Anne Bolelyn had died. But, why has this statuette lost her head and what is the symbolism behind her being pregnant?
The white curtain in the far right corner feels important, though I do not know why... Could it signify a barrier between the known and unknown—one’s internal world and the exterior presented to others?
And, is that a doll house or a cityscape at the woman’s feet? Why do I read it as a reminder of another time... another life... set aside like dreams sometimes are?
And the cat—oh, the cat! Perhaps it could give me all the answers if only I could understand it.
Milk-Ersatz, Spilt (Detail)
Jennifer Meanley
In an email I shared with Jennifer after I walked through her exhibit, she wrote of Milk-Ersatz, spilt that “interior spaces conjure feminine domestic power as well as simultaneously threaten to imprison their inhabitants.” Upon reading that, I began to realize why I felt so sadly nostalgic when viewing Milk-Ersatz, spilt. I had once been that woman in the painting, or at least I had been who I had imagined her to be through my interpretation of the work.
Years ago as I struggled to find my way as a new mother, I felt less empowered domestic goddess and more imprisoned imposter. While it appeared that the other mothers I was meeting all had it together and were loving every second of motherhood, I desperately missed my job I had loved and the life I had left in California. While I cherished my son and knew I had a beautiful life, something felt disingenuous (ersatz). I now know it is because I had set aside too many things that filled my soul and made me feel at home, for I thought that was what being a mother had to look like. How powerfully Jennifer’s work helped me “explore expectations of feminine identity” and reminded me of the pressures I used to and sometimes continue to put on myself to ‘be a good mother’.
I am grateful for the lesson I learned while in my season of Milk-Ersatz, spilt. I am equally relieved that I am no longer there, though I sometimes go back for a visit. Just as Meanley’s work within her exhibit progressed from small interiors to large landscapes, so has my definition of femininity and motherhood broadened and grown.
Thankfully, there is now room for me within the paradigm.