Dilemma of a Name
Photo: Olly Yung. © 2019 Matrons & Mistresses.
A few days ago I had an identity crisis as my business cards headed to the printers.
“Eli (my creative director), wait, maybe we should do ‘Lizzie Cheatham McNairy’... No, maybe I need to have Founder in there... Yes, I agree ‘Lizzie Cheatham McNairy- Founder’ is way too much... ugh. Don't send it yet— I’ll get back to you.”
The amount of brain space these cards were taking up was immense and the issue was rooted in a decision I had made over twelve years ago... the decision to change my last name.
I was young when I married. As I was studying at the Gemological Institute of America (GIA) and had big dreams of becoming Harry Winston’s first female CEO, the decision to change my name was one to which I gave great thought. In the end, I decided that McNairy might instill a bit more trust with my future clients and employees than Cheatham (Cheat-Um). This argument made sense to my 25-year-old self lol.
While I consciously chose as best I could at the time, a full-hearted peace about my decision has always alluded me. Truth be told, I cried the first time I received an invitation addressed to Mr. & Mrs. (My Husband’s Name); yet, I was glad when my boys were born to share the same last name. All these years in... I am still torn.
© 2019 Matrons & Mistresses.
As I write this, I wonder if other creatives have shared this struggle.
Did it bother Ruth Asawa that the last name of her six children was Lanier? Was keeping her maiden name ever a hassle at the dry cleaners or annoying with family mail and travel?
Did Elaine think that de Kooning might sound more painterly than Fried? Even so, was it a struggle to let go of the name she had known her whole life?
And, if hoping for a compromise in the form of a hyphen or combining of names, did Paula Modersohn-Becker and Élisabeth Louise Vigée Le Brun (both artists whose works I love but whose names I struggled to learn) ever worry that they were just making it too complicated?
All such talented women... I hope they felt they decided right for themselves and for their names.
As for me, none of these options have ever felt just right, so I rather unorthodoxly go back and forth... a lot. I use Lizzie Cheatham McNairy within the arts, and in conversation, Lizzie McNairy just seems easier. Also, a hyphen was mysteriously added by Social Security at some point, so I try Cheatham-McNairy on for size from time to time.
Honestly, it is kind of confusing and probably annoying to all involved. Maybe one day I will let go of the fear of changing my name back to Cheatham, or perhaps I will awake one morning and fully accept McNairy or Cheatham McNairy or Cheatham-McNairy as MY name... Until then I will be Lizzie Cheatham McNairy on my business cards, and one of my many iterations in the world.
Have patience with me... It is complicated, and I’m finding my way.